Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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