Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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