I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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