We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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