Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
