I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
