please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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