Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
