Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
