Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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