While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
