My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i was born a porn star she said
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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