summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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