I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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