I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
