i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
