just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
