I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
