Where did you get a picture of my penis
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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