I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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