Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
