Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
