Small penises have feelings too.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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