I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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