Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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