So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
