I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dignity is for republicans.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
