Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
try to milk me bitch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
