I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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