My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
