so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
