dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
