That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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