I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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