So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
