would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
