I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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