problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
