im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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