oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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