I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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