i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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