I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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