I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
