I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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