Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
why do cheetos always look like penises
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
