well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
