I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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