I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
