Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
