I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
