it's too hot outside to masturbate.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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