You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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