trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
