i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
