clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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