I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
