I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I will die if light touches me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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