she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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