omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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