I'm really into asian looking animals
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
