You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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