That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
