probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
