Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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