I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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