I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
