On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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