she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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