"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
